You Love Ashpenaz!

Last summer something very strange happened to me. I was star-struck. It was an exciting and embarrassing time for everyone involved.

In the Pathfinders world, there’s a huge event held every year in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, called the International Camporee. This is just what it sounds like—Pathfinder clubs from all over the world travel to Wisconsin to go camping in a giant field and use port-o-potties. It’s very exciting. We don’t take showers (or if we do, we stand in long lines for them) and walk around until our feet feel like they’re falling off, just for the chance to earn more honors or trade more pins.

Every evening, people bring their camp chairs and sit in front of a stage to watch the evening program. There’s singing, special music from all over, comedy shows usually involving ventriloquist puppets, and picture slideshows showing the day in review. And then comes my favorite part: the giant, six-part musical theater production telling the story of a Bible character.

The first year I went to Oshkosh, in 2009, they did the story of Esther. It was incredible. This past year was Forever Faithful—the story of Daniel. I loved it, although it was less whelming in general (or maybe I’m bitter in my old age). But Daniel had something special that Esther did not: Ashpenaz, King of the Eunuchs.

Now, Ashpenaz is probably one of the most insignificant characters in the entire Bible. His name is mentioned once. I know because I searched. Ashpenaz was the guy in charge of King Nebuchadnezzar’s eunuchs, and thus the Israelite captives. He was involved in the food debacle, and that’s the last you hear of him. He shows up a few more times in the show to provide superb comic relief. Here’s a video of his song. Please watch it.

I fell in love with this character immediately. I could have watched an entire musical production about Ashpenaz. And it was exciting to know that the actor behind this wonderful character was so geographically close to me. It was unlikely, but possible, that I could just run into him during the week. (My club director actually did accidentally meet him.)

So, it started as a joke. It was very clear to the rest of my club that I loved this character. And one of the girls I spent most of the week with was a One Direction fan. So I started to jokingly mimic bandom fans, except instead of Fall Out Boy, it was Ashpenaz. I found out last-minute that the actors were making an in-costume appearance during the day, and we rushed over to catch them right as they were leaving. King Darius waved at my 1D friend, which was very exciting. And Ashpenaz was still on stage, so I managed to get a couple of pictures of him.

The second to last day of the program came, and I had no hope for Ashpenaz showing up again. Daniel was an old man, meaning Ashpenaz was probably dead. Very disappointing, but I wasn’t going to let this stop me.

As an advertisement for a new movie about the guy who wrote the Clear Word Bible, some people had trashbags full of orange foam fingers. I grabbed one, because they were free and of course I did. Then I had a brilliant idea. I picked off the white paint, which was a very time consuming process (sorry, Mr. Blanco). After that I found a sharpie. And I created this.

I know. It’s beautiful.

I took it with me to the last show, and I was determined to get there early so that I could get close to the stage. Along with me were only three other friends, my 1D friend among them. We sat close enough that we could actually see what was happening on the stage, instead of having to watch it on the giant screens. It was awesome. Even though it did end up raining. It was awesome.

The show ended, and everybody was excited and moved. All the actors came out onto the stage in costume to wave at everyone and to watch the fireworks, which were going off to the side. Some people were going up to the space between the seating area and the stage to wave and get selfies with the actors. I saw my chance and I took it. The four of us packed up our chairs and moved forward.

I am not a brave person. I didn’t go right up to the stage. I just sort of stood back and waved my foam finger. And do you know what? He saw it. He saw it!!!!

He seemed pretty excited?? I could not believe this was happening to me. Every once in a while he’d grab someone from the stage and point to me, I’d wave my foam finger, and they’d smile and wave back or give me a thumbs up or something. I think one person got me on film, so it’s great to know that my embarrassing self will be immortalized forever.

At this point I wasn’t moving. I was happy to stay away from the stage and wave. My 1D friend wasn’t content with that. She pushed me up front so that I could get a selfie with Ashpenaz. I don’t remember what he said, but it was something about liking my foam finger. And I don’t remember saying anything at all?? Did I thank him for the pictures? I hope I thanked him for the pictures.

I rode this high for the rest of the summer. I still feel the anxiety and adrenaline when I think about it. And it’s just my luck that this experience, one of the most exciting and embarrassing of my life, would happen within some seriously tiny circles, so that very few people would understand the gravity of this situation. But I will always remember this story fondly. And with embarrassment. Did I mention this was embarrassing? I don’t even know this guy’s real name.

Mr. Guy-who-played-Ashpenaz, I’m sorry for being such an embarrassment, but I hope you enjoyed having a Biggest Fan. Because it was definitely me. I was The biggest fan. Anyway, thanks for all the hard work you put into this show and I hope your life is going well.

What happened to the foam finger, you ask? I still have it. Elvis keeps it safe for me.

Elvis loves Ashpenaz.

_{(Note: this post was originally written in May, so one part of it is no longer true. I do know this guy’s name now. That is because I decided to spend way too much time putting together a Forever Faithful International Camporee Masterpost, along with a general Pathfinders tumblr. The masterpost contains all the FFIC information I could find, and I am proud of it. I’m keeping this post as-is for comedic effect.)}